4 off, 1st8lb (22lb) in total.
I didn't win Woman Of The Year, the lady who did has lost two stone whilst disabled, house-bound and battling a hernia, and still puts in 100%, so totally deserved it.
I did however get my bmi to exactly 30, hit the lowest I've weighed since I was 16, and wore a short dress I haven't managed to wear since summer 1999. Oh and I won a burger press in the raffle that I desperately wanted :D
The last week has sucked. Recovery post-seizure isn't easy, though physically I only have a small scrape to show for it. It's the emotional bit that's tough.
I've lost my trust in myself again, because I just don't know when it'll happen. I know that it's probably connected to the running, but that's not definite. I'm finding that I'm second-guessing myself. Do I feel properly connected and aware? What bits of my memory have I lost this time? Can I really be out alone and in charge of a child?
It sucks. Epilepsy should just fuck off.
People have suggested I give up running. It saddens me that at 30 it might be something I'm not physically able to do. I don't want to give up, but I think I'll have to see how it goes.
In better news, I won an elliptical cross trainer on eBay tonight, so that'll help with getting fitter safely :D
Time to stop letting myself wallow in self-pity. I've been completely off track and it has to stop.
Weigh-in was tonight, 3lb gained. 2.5 of that was before I derailed, so seems to be seizure-related. It'll come off once I'm back in the swing of it. Tomorrow I'll be following meal plan as well as walking and doing aquafit. Thurs will be the regular 1 hour walk home from Hubby's work, and Friday I'm planning to run again. It seems drastic, but I need to prove to myself that I'm capable.
I got nominated for the Woman of the Year award in my group. This is a huge deal to me, I'm so touched that I've been able to inspire people. It especially meant a lot to me tonight when I've been struggling and need to knuckle down. For next week I need to take some before pics along. I know I'm unlikely to win as the other nominees deserve it much more, but I'm still excited to be involved. At the very least I plan to have a fab loss next week :D
I just can't kick this feeling of depression. It's really common post seizure, but I'm really not feeling good. I feel like a liability, an accident waiting to happen. I feel like I've failed. I want to run, but at the mo I'm full of aches and also a bit anxious. I'm struggling with the fact that at 30 I can't do it.
The depression feelings have had a knock on effect, and I've already eaten crap. It's only 10am! Being climbed on, screamed at, boobs grabbed and drinks thrown all over the floor isn't at all helping. Tomorrow is weigh in but I can see from the scales at home I'll have a big gain, and that was before any biscuits. Given that our post seizure mcds was quite sensible, I'm guessing it's a seizure after-effect. It blows, I've only just cleared my last gain. I'm going to end July heavier than I started at this rate!
I need to shake myself out of this mood, but I don't really know how.
I'm sore. Not just physically, though my legs and stomach all feel really tight, but emotionally. I guess I'd held out hope that the last seizure was either just collapsing or was a one-off. This latest one implies that it's likely to recur during exercise, and that makes me both sad and angry.
We're going to have to give thought to how we can limit my chances, and whether or not it's going to stop me from taking up running in general. It makes me frustrated that I might have to quit because, at just 30, my body is unable to deal with running. Oh, I know it could be much worse, and I'm grateful for all the things I can do. But at 30 I didn't expect to not be able to run.
I think maybe a lot of my mood today is leftover tiredness from it all. I could happily take a nap! Probably drs tomorrow.
http://i1287.photobucket.com/albums/a628/nomorecakepls/IMG_20140718_140833892_zps9bbbf53f.jpg
I'm told that decent trainers, along with a decent sports bra, are the most important purchase for running.
These lovelies were in the Nike Outlet, rrp £88, on sale for £23 with an additional 30% off special, so just £16! Can't say fairer than that :D they are just right for me and are so comfortable. I've never had Nike's before. My bra is also a Nike one, £3.95 in the charity shop :D
W1R3 was disaster.
Actually the run was great; faster, feet worked better. It was quite warm though. Anyway, runs done and into cool-down walk, I started to get a seizure warning. I had my first seizure in 2003. I got medicated, and had a 6 year gap until October last year. I tried c25k then, and had a seizure part way through W1R3. I never repeated it. So I was anxious for this attempt, but after 2 straightforward sessions I figured I was good.
Apparently not. Luckily Hubby comes with me just incase, so he did a stellar job of taking care of me. I'm ok, scraped knuckles are the only injury. Physically at least.
I'm sad, angry and disappointed. It's a bloody nuisance condition. Apparently it's uncommon for people with a seizure disorder to be triggered by exercise. I'm just lucky I guess(!)
Most likely it was due to eating/drinking/very little sleep, so those are all factors to address. I don't want to give up!
We ended up skipping Parkrun which I'm gutted about. Ah well, maybe next week.
